And In Those Moments

Our book would never be read aloud
There would not be celebrations of milestones
Of souls in warmth and drunk embers of whispers that caressed wounded yesterdays

Our names would never be uttered in one breath
There would not be oohs and aahs at yellowed photographs
Of promises made in the silence of held hands

And yet
If I am not able to love again, the way that I do now…
I would toast to what you and I could have been
As frost of what’s left unspoken thaw and disappear

Because
We sought out the sun
And coaxed out the moon
As we basked and bathed
In love’s soothing serenade

And in those moments
Memories of you now
Would always

Always be enough for me.

My Space

Stuck WITH My Space because I can only log in to Slacker and Songza if and when I am anywhere in North America. And this is what they say:

We are very sorry to say that due to licensing constraints we cannot allow access to Songza for listeners located outside of the United States and Canada.

Based on your IP address, we believe that you are located outside of the United States and Canada. Please accept our deepest apology for restricting your access to Songza; we share your disappointment and frustration.

Everyone should have the right to enjoy this service and we are committed to launching Songza in every possible country. We will work assiduously to obtain the requisite licenses where they exist. If you would like to be notified by email when Songza is available in your country, please enter your country of residence and email address in the form below.

Thank you for your understanding and support. Please do not hesitate to get in touch with us by emailing feedback@songza.com. We hope to see you back on Songza in the very near future.

Sincerely,
Team Songza

Really guys? But when? You're losing out on a lot for this deprivation.
So yeah I'm going to be able to log in very soon - I'll probably have to ask my mac to meditate and levitate so that when it arrives in Koh Samui it will still be suspended in a North American IP address.

Your Own

To pursue yourself is an interesting and absorbing thing to do.
Once you have caught the scent of a hidden being, your own hidden being,
you won't really be deflected from the tracking down of it."
— Cynthia Popper Seton

That's Enough For Me

Whatever it was. Brief its run may have been. However way it went. This joy I will forever carry with a knowing smile - I find comfort in, the kind that brings a human being to one's knees in soulful gratitude for having felt it. That's enough and will always be - for me.

Beloved

Joy as it rises to the surface
Like waves saving me from the heights of what may be

The hollow of those hands
At the cusp of crystal almost unbearable pleasures from warmed nights
Of yesterdays, my forever

Promises no more
Candles burned to their core

Weeping willows never more beautiful
On the day words that can't be spoken
We're felt

Journey on beloved
Songs will still be sung
Words written and unheard

It falls not on deaf ears
Because I have not listened as intently
to the lapping of our shores
As I do now

Bring nothing but a smile
That springs forth
At the touch of soft feathery kisses
Whenever the rain grazes those eyes

Journey on beloved
Celebrations will go on unabated
Laughter and tears jostling for speech

Journeying On

Three different time zones
Three different routes
All life changing
All game changers
Age and what it does to people
Some are more cautious
Others grow wings
I got both
All shackles
The ones that are the most stifling
Are self-made
But lesson after lesson
I'm good.
Everything's fine.
Just fine.

I know

I have a feeling I will still be singing this someday one day when the world has changed. And all is made right.

When I said

I was speaking to a friend today and told her - "It's going to be a vicious cycle" and she (Rina Imperial) replied, "He will meet one every day, the internet is filled with millions of lost souls..."

And I wondered - I could have been one of them, maybe I still am.

Paalam Na

Inabutan na nang tanghali
Ang buong gabing pag-ulan

Marahil iniiyakan itong
liham ng pag-lisan

Huwag mag-alala hindi ka na pipigilan

Huwag mangamba wala ka nang
rason pang kailangang bitawan

Umpisa pa man batid at tanggap nang
Isang araw kung anong meron tayo ay iyo ring iiwan

Hindi na mangagarap pa ng bukas na narooon ka mag-pakailanman

Saan man dalhin ng mga hakbang na
Nuong araw ako ang dahilan

Dalhin mo ang dalanging walang bahid ng puot
O ano mang pag-aalinglangan

Na ang buhay mo ay maging matiwasay
Puno ng kaligayahan

Mag-kakasya na sa alaalang minahal mo
Kahit minsan

Like Sugar

Unrequited love like sugar which our body doesn't need to survive except if we are perpetual motion and energy expenditure machines, is hard to resist.

It's a stake right through the heart that burrows deeper the more we resist.

And so we give in.

Whenever we do, we regret the breakdown in willpower
And what it does to our guilt, gastric, physiologic processes

And yet the sensation brings us back to it again and again
Like moths to a flame

And so we feed.
Give in to unrequited love.
Like we would, to sugar.

Saan Mag-Uumpisa

Kilala na ang daang ito
Masikip, madilim parang walang hinto
Tuliro na namang tatahakin, bawat liko
Gayong kung ilang beses nang pinagsarhan ng pinto


Ramdam na ang hagod ng dalamhati
Urong sulong sa pag-hakbang, kung paano at kailan - hindi mawari
Anong lakas ng loob mayroon para kayanin kahit man lang mangalahati
Ngayong hapong hapong sadlak na sa pangungulilang masidhi

Tanaw na ang lungkot at matinding panlulumo
Walang humpay, sagad sa laman tagos sa buto
Lahat at bawat alaala nagsisilbing multo
Ng mga araw na kapiling pa ang galak ng halakhak mo

Ganito pala ang sinasabing parati
Basta ang iyong irog malayang nagbubunyi
Hindi bale nang dumanas ng matinding pighati
Puso ay durog ngunit labi ay nakangiti

Subalit walang pagsisising iaatang sa iyo
Sapagkat walang katumbas na ligayang dama nang ang mundo mo
Ay walang iba kundi ako

Saan man itong lakbayin ay patungo
Paano mag-uumpisang ikaw ay limutin ko
Kaawaan sana ng Maykapal ang dating sinisinta mo
At palayain ang puso kong walang magawa kundi ang sumuko

Writing Again

Steeling myself for the swift
Bracing
Steadying

The lights shadows and whiff of air
Now familiar

Different faces
Same fall

A script that plays itself
over and over again

Sharp, clean

Dizzying heights
Breathtaking views
Smoldering
Consuming

What of these embers
And pictures of you

What of these promises
And coming home to you

And yet I steel myself
Steady
And I recognize this walk
And want for nothing else
To write a fate
Over and over again
Of just coming home
To just me.

In Still Life

Painting with acrylic
Or oil and turpentines and linseed oil on canvas

The latter muddy, dirty, impossible to erase
I insist on it

I'd choose the kinder more forgiving medium
Had it chosen me

Once upon a time it did
I tasted a bit of its palette

The swirls and whirls of soft but vivid colors
Water before it completely dries
And its gone

My hands and favorite shirts
Oh why I wear them when I shouldn't
They all bear reminders
Of deep reds and blues
That cannot be erased

When there was a voice
A gaze
A smile

Inanimate objects written by you

Of oils and turpentines and linseed oil
In this raging ocean, inside
Of what's now a still life

Lagi Na lang

Akala kasi Akala lang

On Fear

The biggest problem on the planet today is fear, it's been a problem for a long time but it's a huge problem now. It's getting bigger every day and the reason that fear is a problem of course is that it affects everything. Everything we think say and do, all the decisions we make, all of our reactions all of our responses, everything that we are experiencing can come from either one of two places, we are either coming from love or coming from fear. ~ Neale Donald Walsh

Hanggang Kaya Ko Na

Habang hindi ko pa kaya
Hahanap hanapin kita sa mga ulap at mga kuwentong katha
Pag dilat o pag-pikit nitong mga mata

Habang hindi pa limot iyong mga yakap at kalinga
Sisilip pa rin sa hindi naman tumutunog kong teleponong nag-papaalala
Umaasang baka sakaling itong puso'y masanay at mag-sawa

Hanggang hindi ko pa mabitawan itong ligayang ikaw lang ang may dala
Babalik balikan bawat mumunting alaala

Noong sa piling mo'y bawat oras ay di alintana
Habang guhit pusong alapaap lang ang tanaw kaluluwa ay nagbubunyi, kumakanta

Hanggang hindi makangiti ng wagas sa mga oras na ikaw ang naalala
Susunduin pa rin ng bawat saglit at hindi na sa anong kapalit pa aasa

Hanggang ikaw pa rin ang laman nitong nagsusumamong puso kong hapong hapo na
Magkakasya na sa nakagawiang hihintayin na bumalik ka
Kung kailan man tadhana at ang Maykapal na ang iiwang mag-kusa

Hanggang madinig at tugunin ang dalanging sana ay kaya ko na.
Tanggaping pagtahak sa buhay na maligaya kahit wala ka.

Whether...

I went to see a friend today and she said - "We have all the freedom to make choices and decisions but, we are not free from the consequences, whether good or bad..."